Hello friends of the Weekend Experiences community, I hope you are all doing very well. I have been spending some days analyzing my reactions to past situations and how they manifest in my present—in a way, showing me if I have healed or if I have learned the lessons I need to mature as a person. Would you like to become a better person? If so, in what aspects? How would you do it? Why haven't you done it yet? Weekend Experiences.
Do you wish you could improve yourself and if so, it what aspects, how would you do it and why have you not done it already?
I would like to be a person like everyone else, having an established life where I can consider myself professionally and personally successful, but the reality is that life is a whirlwind that, at some point, swept me away and left scars that I am still learning to understand today. Yes, I would like to be a better human being—above all, to be kinder regarding my feelings and emotions, to not always expect the worst of myself, and to stop being my own harshest critic. I have a strong will in the sense that if I set my mind to something, I have to achieve it one way or another, but I am also a quite pessimistic person. I would like not to be, but I have lived through things that have affected me emotionally. I’d like to stop seeing myself as a victim of life, and instead as someone who has fought with the resources I had available.
Sometimes I find myself remembering who I was in my 20s and I feel deeply sad about the way I treated others and myself. I was very lonely, and that made me a dependent person, as contradictory as it sounds; I was always looking for a way to find myself in the lives of others. I might not have felt well, but I didn't know how to improve that part of me that felt abandoned. I was very young, barely getting to know the world; I deserved to have been more understanding and less harsh with my actions and my words, which I know hurt people close to me.
The way I have begun to treat myself with more self-love is by listening to my emotions, both those I see as positive and those I see as negative. For example, I always saw my body as a place where I didn't want to be because I thought anything was better than being myself. But after many of life’s hard knocks, I learned that my body has been more than a lifesaver—it has been my home and my refuge. It has taken care of me even when I abandoned it; it’s the only thing that has stayed by my side even when I was a difficult person to be around.
My relationship with my body and my emotions has already improved, starting by recognizing that I wasn't always right, that not everything I thought was the absolute truth, and that how I felt could get better—that I wasn't going to feel that way forever. When we are in a dark void, we think nothing has a solution; fortunately, thanks to my parents, my siblings, and therapy, I have stayed afloat. I might not be the version of myself I expected to be at nearly thirty, but I am someone stronger and more capable of facing adversity in a better way, with a different and more positive mindset.
What I still struggle to resolve is the matter of wanting to fit in somewhere. Perhaps it's a feeling all human beings share; it’s normal to want to belong, to have friendships, and people who support you when you need it most. I’m still looking for a way to fit in without losing myself in the process—to find my group of people who might be different from how I imagine them or who think differently than I do, but who can provide me with rewarding experiences and good times. I need to open up more when it comes to meeting others, and that is what I would like to improve right now.
Well, not everything is so bad. At least now I know there are people and places that serve their time and that we must be able to move forward without staying stuck in the past. I know it’s not easy, but now I feel I can walk away and leave behind the things that need to stay on the path. I still need to improve my self-confidence and self-esteem even more; the way I perceive myself would greatly change the things I face day-to-day. I thank my past self for not giving up even when I couldn't even breathe—and yet, she did it; she kept going and trusted that better things would happen. And they have.
I hope you liked this post, and I would also like you to leave me your comments; I will gladly read them and will respond to them. Big hugs. 🤗
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