Last night was a strange night for me... I mean, I finished working relatively early, at a good hour. I had time to upload the corresponding post to HIVE, and I was able to take care of my responsibilities as a mother without any issues. For about a week now, a close friend has been going through a breakup process, from a personal relationship that, although it never quite became an official relationship, felt extremely real to him. This post tells the story of the path of a boy who is sad, on a night full of deep nostalgia...
I must begin by saying that these photographs, where his face is shown, were taken with his consent and approval. For me, ethics are fundamental, and as his friend, I feel obligated to protect him while also preserving my own integrity. Now then, I start by saying that the sadness I have seen in him moves me. However, my more analytical mindset makes it impossible for me to fully put myself in his place. I saw many things that simply, sooner or later, were bound to happen.Josué, that is his name, is someone who in many aspects of his life understands human relationships as an all or nothing matter. Either I love you immensely, or you are completely indifferent to me. And that polarity when it comes to complex emotions is not only wrong in my view, but dangerous. And even more so when the what has not been defined by both parties that make up a story together, any story...
What do I mean by the what? Simple, they were not a couple, but they were not friends either. They were something in between. They never sat down to decide the rules of the game. To agree, between the two of them, this is what I offer, do you agree? They simply let things flow without that really being the case. That is where I noticed a terrible mistake. And even more so for a personality like his, where the need for affection and dependency is so marked... Clearly, that behavior has roots that precede this pseudo relationship, that much is clear... I used to tell my friend that he needed to understand the circumstances that had happened to him. Never, when a relationship ends, is it exclusively the fault of one side. There is no such thing as heroes or villains. Watching his grieving process and how he constantly repeated, while I accompanied him, I am guilty, everything is my fault, it was my mistake, did not seem very wise to me. Even so, I did understand which stage of his particular grief he was in.
It turns out that my friend's unfinished story with his almost something also involves a friend. That is to say, I am in the middle, relationally, of two sides. I know him and care deeply about him, but also about the other party... It is an uncomfortable situation as someone who must and has to remain neutral. Because I know components and characteristics of both sides. And they are completely and absolutely opposite. In my opinion, what prevented this from ever being established was incompatibility.
One side, hers, was more realistic, mature, pragmatic, and not very romantic, because she is materialistic. In every sense. And then there is Josué. Extremely sensitive, idealistic to the extreme. With a romanticized understanding of what a relationship is, and with inexperience when it comes to how these types of human relationships are built and maintained. From that Wednesday night, I take away several things, his desire to learn to discover himself and to break away from the negative behavioral patterns that he is already aware he maintains...
Sometimes, being a friend feels somewhat bittersweet... But on the other hand, I hold on to the premise of offering what is best for him, and not so much what he would like to hear. If he has understood that he needs psychological support to improve his own demons, being his accomplice seems counterproductive to me. And even more so when I must remain neutral in a near relationship that two of my closest friends sustained. It was also a sad night, because sometimes you have to be colder and more logical, when you want to be the opposite. For his sake, because I care about him and because he needs it.
